Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Taking the next step...

With the beginning of a new year upon us, I encourage you to take some time to reflect positively on the past year of your journey; the lessons you've learned, the progress you've made, the fears you've overcome.

Then, make a promise to yourself for the upcoming year: stop talking and start doing! 

Getting Started:

  • Make a list of the dreams that are alive within you
  • Brainstorm ways to make time in your busy schedule to focus on them
  • Having trouble??? MEDITATE (take 10 minutes, turn on some calming music, take a few deep breaths, and let your mind/body tell you what you want/need)
  • Start looking for a place to start...OPPORTUNITIES are everywhere! 
  • Overcome the fear of failure. Not every opportunity will end positively...be okay with it, learn from it, and move on.
  • Be CONFIDENT! Don't worry about others; what they'll say or think about you, how they'll react, or whether they'll support you or not. You need positive energy on this journey, not negative people.
  • Trust: that God has a plan for your life and that there is a purpose for your journey.
  • Make a decision and take the first step...no matter how scary or uncomfortable it might be.
  • BELIEVE: in yourself, in the dream, in the process. 
  • Wait and see what happens...
Here is the next step on my journey: http://www.etsy.com/shop/FlowersonFootprints
I opened an Etsy shop! 

Can't wait to hear what this next year has in store for you! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!





Saturday, December 15, 2012

Don't let fear control your life...

Fear is something that is in all of us. It causes us to act and react in many different ways and is usually only overcome by looking it straight in the face.  If you are looking for ways to help your child or yourself overcome fears, consider purchasing the book "There's SomeTHING in My Basement" from my website: www.flowersonfootprints.com or contact me directly at: Nicole@flowersonfootprints.com
I am running a Holiday Special December 15th thru December 24th. See below for details:

***Purchase 2 or more books at regular price, get one handmade flower ring for free.***
Don't let fear control your life. 

"Hope and happiness" will come from believing in yourself, trusting in God's plan, and having faith that you are here for a reason.

If I've learned anything from the horrible tragedy that took place yesterday, it's that you have to enjoy every second of the life you're living; be thankful for what you have, make memories with those you love, and cherish the time you have with them. There is a purpose for your time on this Earth. Do what you love, make changes where necessary, and never be afraid to take a risk. 

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Okay, Okay...take 2!

Okay, so I didn't get any responses to my last post..."what inspires you?"

Many things have inspired me on this journey: daily quotes, music, my family and friends, music, my therapist, my coworkers, music, fellow bloggers, God...okay, okay, so you get it!  Music has been a HUGE part of my life the last few years.

There's just something about the words in a song, the emotion it makes me feel, and the connection I can make to the story that gives me chills even sitting here writing about it.  And sure, the songs that inspire and motivate me change as I do, but I love the way they make me feel in the moment...inspired, hopeful, and ready to move forward.

So...I'm going to try this again!  If you are willing, leave me the name of your song.  The one that inspires you to be a better person, to keep dreaming big, to keep climbing the mountain.  The one that explains where you are on your journey now and/or where you hope it will lead you :-)

Hope to hear from you soon!


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

I want to hear from you!!!


Every day, people all over the world wake up to the sound of an alarm clock, crawl out of bed, get ready, and set off to take on the day.  The events of that day may differ depending on the type of job one has, the duties that need fulfilled, the hours required to do the job well, and the state of mind the person is in for that given day.  Just think about all the different types of jobs there are in the world and the expectations for each of them.  People truly are amazing!

What motivates and inspires you to get out of bed each morning?  Is it someone or something, a special song, a quote you live by, a bible verse or prayer?  

I WANT TO KNOW!!!

For those who are willing, please respond in the section below.  Share what motivates and inspires you, what brings you joy, makes you smile, helps you cope with life’s ups and downs, and gets you through the day.

Look forward to hearing from you!


Monday, November 5, 2012

And that "single step" has taken me places I could have only imagined before...


Flowers on Footprints, bringing you hope and happiness for the journey ahead.

Stay tuned for the website launch and to learn how you can contribute to this page.


Sunday, September 30, 2012

Livin' the "Good Life"...

Opened up my email this morning to find the perfect quote: "A Good Life is when you smile often, dream big, laugh a lot, and realize how blessed you are for what you have." ~searchquotes.com/author unknown

It is amazing how the simplest things can bring about so many changes and the ultimate effect those changes can make to ones life.

Today, I can honestly say I am living the Good Life.  I smile many times each day, continue to dream big (even though it sometimes scares me to death!), laugh much more than I used to, and am so blessed to be surrounded by so many loving and supportive people.  I have become the person I always knew I could be and I'm excited to see where God will lead me next.

Up until now, my blog has been a place for me to share MY journey; my thoughts, my feelings, my fears, my joy, my sadness, and so much more.  It's been a release for me.  A place to go when the times were tough, and a place to share my hopes and dreams.

In the next few weeks, we will launch my website: flowersonfootprints.com
Something that started here, this blog and its purpose, has become so much more and I have some new plans for future posts that I will share soon.

Until then, enjoy every moment life has to offer; smile big, dream often, and live the "Good Life"...

Monday, September 3, 2012

Join us for a celebration!

I can't believe how long it's been since I've been on here to write!  With the beginning of a new school year and job, the book being delivered, and everyday life...I just haven't had an extra second left to reflect lately.  
I can't begin to express the happiness I have in my heart right now. I can only hope that it stays with me for a long time!  I have such a wonderful and supportive family, so many caring and compassionate friends, and the grace of God that has gotten me through so much.  Please join me as I celebrate all of the accomplishments I've made on this journey, including the release of There's SomeTHING in My Basement:

This Saturday, September 8th 1-10 pm
 Signed copies will be sold for $10
 10334 Sugar Ridge Way Indpls., IN 46239
 If you can't make it in person, message me or contact me: email-osborne.nicole@att.net
 phone-(317)695-8414











Sunday, August 5, 2012

Can't believe the book is here!

Introducing the newly published book:  There's SomeTHING in My Basement

Written By:
Nicole Osborne    

Illustrated By:
ChristyVance

I am so excited to finally announce it is here and available for purchase!  The website is not quite ready, so I will be selling from here until we get everything up and running.  Signed copies are available for $10.00 each.  Please contact me at osborne.nicole@att.net

Also, if you know of a school, library, hospital, or kids group that would be willing to let me come and do a read aloud, teach a lesson on fear, and share my experiences, please let me know!  I'm excited to get out into the community and use this book to help those struggling daily with fear and anxiety.

Many thanks to Christy Vance, Don Bishop, and the many family and friends who helped make this dream a reality!  I couldn't have done it without you...



Wednesday, August 1, 2012

I wish it wasn't so complicated...

Not sure why, but I have felt so compelled to write lately.  Maybe it's the fact that I finally feel like my job will make a difference and my family (including myself) is truly happy.  It's given me time to look back on my life and face some of those hard things that I had chosen to forget; relationships, friendships, behaviors, choices.

So much time has passed since those days, and it's hard to admit that there are still things that trigger me, that take me back to the feelings I once had.  The ones that made me feel scared, and sad, and angry, and embarrassed, but mostly unable to trust.

There were so many people that hurt me and who I hurt back.  So many times I swallowed that lump in my throat and dealt with the sick feeling in my stomach.  So many memories I wish I could go back and change, take back and forget. It seems so far gone, but all so real...even now.

I want to let go of the guilt, the sadness, the anger.  I want to celebrate the fact that I am not that person anymore and  let myself be free of all those who hurt me, but it's easier said than done and I don't exactly know who can help me or how to make it happen.  I worry what other's would think or how they would react if I contacted them.  And I worry about what will happen if I don't ever get to tell them how I really feel.  I wish it wasn't so complicated.

I hope, in time, the day will come when I am able to forgive myself for the mistakes I've made, to forgive others for the hurt I once felt, and acknowledge that I am a new person.  One full of love, passion, joy, and appreciation for this life and the lessons I've learned in it...

Monday, July 30, 2012

Sometimes it's hard to share the tough stuff...

Spent some time reflecting on the past year today; starting this blog, beginning a new journey, learning to listen to myself and my needs, publishing a book, starting a new job...so many changes have taken place in my life in that year, changes that have made me a better person overall.

I've learned to listen more, talk less; to share what I love, not focus on things I don't; to face the fear instead of avoiding it; to ask questions when I'm uncertain rather than worrying about what I don't know; to take chances; to be patient; to show others compassion and love; to express myself in new and fun ways.  I am a completely different person than I was a year ago, and even more so than I was ten years ago.  And I'm really happy about that :)

But one area that still needs some work is in the way I think others view me.  I know I shouldn't be worried about what other people think or say about me...but the truth is, I do.  I often find myself asking these questions:  Will others be mad at me?  Did I offend them or hurt their feelings?  Are they talking about me?  If so, why?  What did I do?  And the truth is, it's hard to be yourself openly when there are people out there who look for ways to bring you down, ways to hurt you, or make you feel bad about yourself.  Those situations are awkward and uncomfortable and I end up wondering why I even put myself in that position in the first place.

It's true we all make mistakes.  And I'm working on forgiving myself for the ones I have made.  But it's also true we can only change ourselves.  Reflecting today gave me the opportunity to realize I have, and in doing so have a lot to be proud of and thankful for.  I am still learning on this journey and will continue to grow and change as I move along.  That's okay and it makes me feel good to say it here.

To those of you who have stood by me through thick and thin, thank you.  I'm not a perfect person, nor will I ever be.  But I'm doing everything I can to be the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend I can be.  And that has to be good enough, not for everyone else, but for me...

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Can't believe it's over :(

Oh summer break...how I will miss you!

I spent the day packing as many things as I could in; lunch with the fam, trip to the store, jammin' to my favorite songs in the car with all the windows down, Frosty Boy, and the park.  I am going to miss spending my days with Caylee and that stress-free feeling I have at the end of a summer day.  I'm hopeful that I will enjoy this new place and space so much that the joy I used to feel at the end of a day at work will return this year.


I do, however, find myself sitting here tonight trying to overcome those first day jitters.  A little nervous about what's to come, yet excited about the new adventure ahead of me.  We all know how I like to "predict" what's going to happen, get myself all worked up about it, worry about it, etc...only to find out when it actually happens it's not nearly as bad as I had made it out to be in my head.  It's my life story!

So, if you wouldn't mind, say a prayer for me: that I will be able to feel at peace tonight and get some sleep; that tomorrow I will go in there with confidence, I will be my new self, and I will enjoy getting to know others; that I won't get all worked up over things I can't control, mistakes I may make, or what others are thinking/saying about me.  That God will be with me, will have the right words for me, and will help me share my true self with others. I will be doing the same...


Best wishes for a great year to all my fellow teachers!






Wednesday, July 25, 2012

I'm Smiling :)

Spent the day at the pool soaking up the rays with my family for the last time before school starts. I LOVE spending time with Caylee and Chad so much!

Yesterday was full of meetings, learning about my new school, and all of my responsibilities. I have to admit, I left there a little freaked out! The dynamic of every school is just so different. I think I'm gonna like this new place and space, but there are a lot of new expectations to live up to and I'm a little nervous I won't be able to live up to them. I do know that I feel part of a team that views me as a BELIEVER, someone who works hard to ensure every child is getting the best education possible, is supportive of change, and accepting of a challenge.

I am going to miss spending the days with my girl, but have great memories from the special times we've shared together this summer and though I'm sad to see it end, I'm excited about the next few weeks and what lies in store for me.

So thankful for my true supporters; family and friends who have cheered me on, lifted me up, and reminded me how to share love and enjoy life...

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Strength doesn't come from what you CAN do, it comes from OVERCOMING the things you ONCE thought you couldn't. ~Rikki Rogers

Whew!  It has been a CrAzY and hectic week!  So glad all the tough stuff is over and  the change I have long been praying for has finally come!  Not sure I can share all the details yet, so I'll just say it's a happy time for new beginnings and lots of unknowns, but so much to feel proud of and excited about.

Another exciting thing happening is with the book. We are a day away from going to press!  Once the go ahead is given we will have about 3 weeks before the books actually arrive!  We are so excited, yet nervous all at the same time.  I have also been working with a web designer and purchased a URL.  We are hoping to go live with the launch of the book!

So...I've been very busy this summer.  We have spent a lot of time at the pool and the lake, hanging with family and friends.  It's been so relaxing and I have enjoyed every single second of it!

This morning I finally had some time to talk about all of the above, to feel proud of all that I've accomplished, and to express my excitement about this week's events.  At the end of my session a BIG discovery was made.  I'm still trying to process it all myself and was hoping to write about it here tonight.  However, I think it may be something that needs to be more thought out before I can clearly express it to others.  The main idea is about giving the feeling of something rather than having the need to show it.  I know that doesn't make a lot of sense right now, but I believe it will as I continue to process and understand my thoughts.  I'll talk more about this another night.

Hope everyone is enjoying these last few weeks of summer break!  I'm heading to the lake tomorrow to enjoy the beautiful day on the water...




 


Monday, July 2, 2012

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

It truly is amazing to see how much joy you can get out of life by giving yourself the freedom to simply enjoy it! It's the little things that make each day worth remembering and I've had many days worth remembering this summer!  I love that I feel free to do what I want, when I want without the guilt and worry that used to overcome me.  It feels good to have hopes and dreams and even better to get out there and try to make them happen!  I'm not scared anymore.  Instead, I feel excited about the unknown journey that's ahead of me (not sure that's ever happened).  I'm ready for a change and I'm putting myself out there to find it.  Prayers that I choose the right path would be much appreciated...

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."~Plato



Today, I spent some time talking through the events that have played out in my life over the past year. It seems like this journey started so long ago, but today I was reminded the path became more clear for me around this same time last year. I began opening myself up to opportunities, letting some of the things that had controlled my thoughts and actions go, and really started on this journey to uncover my true self. It's amazing to me that each time I sit and talk, new things somehow get revealed to me. And even after working so hard to become a better overall person, I still find things I'd like to work on.

One thing that hit me really hard today was the way I tend to view myself. I worry so much about what others think of me; my thoughts, my opinions, my views on life, and family, and love. I spend the majority of my time trying to be the person others expect me to be rather than being myself. I've been put in situations where I feel left out, my thoughts/feelings unacceptable, and so I've tried to change who I am. The truth that I came across today...I don't have to do that. I am a loving, kind, and caring person. I would prefer to say something to someone to make them feel better, to lift their spirits, and to let them know they are loved rather than saying things that could be taken as hurtful or condescending. That is not wrong, but just different from the way other people may do things. And it's taken me a long time to come to terms with that.

Here's what I do know: Everyone is on their own journey, with their own twists and turns, problems and fears, ups and downs. That journey defines them, their actions, their reactions. What I've learned is: their journey doesn't have to define who I am, where I'm going, or the decisions I make, big or small.

There are a lot of good things that happen in life, great memories to cherish forever, but nothing ever stays the same. Change is constant and so, we must be acceptable of it, flexible in the midst of it, and able to let go of it when the time comes.

I'm excited to reveal my true self to others; to show my love for them the way I know how, to share the joy I have for this life, and to spread the happiness that I've come to know on this journey...

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Oh, summer break...I LOVE YOU!

I am absolutely LOVING this summer; enjoying the beautiful weather, spending time with my family, boating, relaxing, hanging by the pool (well, except for the HORRIBLE sunburn I got today)!

I have so many things to be excited about too!  Caylee is turning 3 on Saturday.  I can't believe it's been 3 years since I held her in my arms for the first time.  Time really does fly, but I love watching her grow each day and can't wait to celebrate with her on Saturday!

We are also making some big strides on the bookfront!  My illustrator has had a vision and it's all finally coming together.  I am anxious for the final product to get here!!!  On the same line, I bought a domain name tonight for my business.  A little step in the big picture, I know, but I have some awesome people working on some things for me and I am hopeful there will be a website up and running around the time of the book launch!

I never in a million years could have imagined I would be where I am right now.  Thank you God for this wonderful break that has given me back hope, brought me much joy, and shown me the peace I was so longing for...

Monday, June 4, 2012




Today...I am thankful for all the people who have been a part of my life; who have helped me grow, find the light when I wasn't sure there was one, see things from a different point of view, who have loved me for who I am, been there in times of trouble or sorrow, shared and followed dreams with me, showed compassion towards me even when they didn't understand where I was, what direction I was going, or agree with my thought process. 

I have been blessed to be surrounded by people who are on their own journey, who are searching for similar things in life, who want to enjoy every experience life has to offer.  So many of you have helped me take risks, overcome fears, speak up, and stand up for what I believe in.

I may not say it enough, but I am thankful for you...

Thursday, May 31, 2012

breathing the world in...

It's been a busy, but fun week!  Caylee and I have spent a lot of quality time together enjoying the outdoors, our home, and each other.  I have also been able to accomplish a few tasks that were in great need of some attention.  My office now really feels like a cozy workspace and I'm anxious to complete our front yard landscaping project.  

I came across this quote today in my inbox and wanted to take some time to reflect on it.  I have been working on letting go of some of the control I like to have over things in my life.  I'm practicing enjoying each day!  When something happens that I wish wouldn't have or that I want to go back and change, instead of dwelling on it, trying to fix it, or worrying how others feel about it, I'm choosing to move forward. That's tough at times!  I'd rather defend myself, try to get others to understand me or my point of view, get mad.  But the truth is, that's only going to cause me more stress, give me less time to enjoy my day, and cause more problems than I started with.  This quote is so true.  Things will happen. I have no control over other people, but I do have control over myself, my actions, and my reactions.  I won't let those things I have no control over, control my life.  The purpose of the good and bad is to teach me; to show what I need to work on, to share what I'm doing well, and to push me to take risks to make myself better.

I'm thoroughly enjoying my summer!  No more shutting out the world, instead breathing the world in...

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Thank you God for answering my prayer :)

It's been a LONG time since my last post.  So much has been accomplished since then, probably too many things to mention here.

Caylee and Chad are both sleeping and I'm happy to share that tonight, I'm finally feeling the sense of relief I have been waiting for; school is out, summer is here, and there's a ton of fun to be had!  In fact, I feel like we packed a summer's worth of events in the last few days.  From a fun-filled day on the lake Friday, pool and parties on Saturday, and enjoying the blow-up "waterpark" with the neighbors today!  It's a great feeling to know I can sleep in tomorrow, wake up and enjoy my coffee, then do whatever I want whenever I'm ready.  No obligations or plans, just relaxing and going wherever the day takes me. 

I've had so much fun with Caylee lately!  She truly is amazing and I can't believe how fast she is growing up.  She surprises me daily with her comments, songs, stories, and our special conversations.   She tells me all the time that she loves me and says, "hey mom, you are my best friend".  I love that.  I know there may come a day where the words she says to me are quite the opposite, but for now, I want to savor the moments we share happily together.  She really does know how to make my heart smile :)

I am looking forward to a relaxing week; accomplishing a few must-do's, spending some time outdoors, enjoying quality time with my fam, and taking the time to really feel the happiness that's in my heart...

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Thank you Kelli :)

The last few days have been gorgeous and it has been so nice to be outside; enjoying the fresh air, spending time with my family, having fun with friends.  I'm so sad to see the weekend coming to a close :(  

The last few weeks I have had a ton of anxiety; too many tests, my to-do list keeps growing, frustration with others, constant interruptions, the what-ifs for next year! The list could go on and on.  I keep trying to calm myself down by telling myself not to worry; it will all get done, take deep breaths, pray about it, but inside...I'm PANICKING!

Today, a friend shared some thoughts that really made me think:
"I like nights that end in the company of dear friends. I like swapping stories & looking others in the eye & getting beyond small talk. I like the reminder that in the midst of the day to day we can celebrate where we are today, not the past, not the future, the pleasant present." ~Kelli Curtis

These words really got to me. I have truly enjoyed this weekend with my family and friends and in the "pleasant present" felt really good.  Sometimes I get so caught up in the what has been and the what will be that I ruin all those good feelings I'm having in the right now!  I let the guilt, the fear, the panic overcome me.  I constantly question myself and my decisions.  

So, thank you Kelli :) For reminding me that it is good to be in the company of good friends; who love you, and care about you, and accept you just the way you are...flaws and all.  For reminding me that REALLY getting to know someone requires me to go beyond the small talk and the gossip I sometimes get caught up in.  For reminding me that all relationships require TRUST, from both parties.  But MOST IMPORTANTLY, that I should be CELEBRATING; who I've become, where I am RIGHT NOW, and all that I've accomplished on this journey!  It's time to let go of the past, trust in the steps ahead, and enjoy this "pleasant present"...

Monday, May 7, 2012

Oh, the sound of the rain...

Oh, the sound of the rain...

I am completely exhausted as I sit here writing this post.  But the sound of the rain is so calming.  Something I haven't felt in a few weeks.

The days go by so quickly; too much to do, too little time.

I am hopeful the things that need to get done will, but feel very overwhelmed with the amount of work left to do before school ends.  There's no time to enjoy the last few weeks with these children who I have gotten to know, who have grown so much this year, and who truly love spending their days with me.  Instead, I rush to get through what I can, then sit in the hall with one student at a time, and test.  It's frustrating.

I pray for a change everyday.  I know God has a plan for me, but sometimes it's hard being patient!

I have accomplished many great things in the past few weeks, but I've not actually had any time to sit back, relax, and take them all in.  

I'm going to list them here:

  • Many fears overcome
  • Business and Bank account set up
  • Contract signed with publisher/book should be ready in about 8 weeks!
  • First 4 weeks of INSANITY...DONE! 
  • Completed my first half marathon-walked 13.1 miles!  
  • Almost made it through my first year with 28 kindergarten friends
  • I have a new love for myself, my husband, my daughter, and our time together.  

Going to take some time to let it all sink in and say a little prayer that the calm of this rain will bring me the peace, comfort, and joy I have been longing for...


Wednesday, May 2, 2012

:)


All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them. ~Walt Disney

Today is a happy day :) Many thanks to my grandpa, Christy Vance, Chad, and my family and friends for your support! The contract has been signed and we are well on our way to making this dream a reality! So exciting...I can't wipe the smile off my face :)...



Sunday, April 29, 2012

Tomorrow is a new day!


Whew!  There's a lot of things I could reflect on from the past week; mistakes that were made, guilt that I felt, the worry and uneasiness of others being upset with me.  I've made many mistakes on this journey.  I will admit to that.  But I can't spend my time worrying about them, trying to fix everything, and making everyone else happy.  I'm making changes to my life and learning as I go.  So today, instead of reflecting, I'm choosing to take the advice of one of my favorite poets instead:

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

This new week holds many wonderful opportunities!  And there is so much to be excited and happy about.  I am hopeful that all will go well and there will be great news to share by the middle of the week :)  Also, on Saturday, I will be attempting to walk in my first mini-marathon.  I am hopeful that I will make it to the end (without being picked up by the "you've run out of time" bus)!  I am so thankful for the support of my family and friends (thank you grandpa) as I continue to overcome fears and make dreams come true...

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Eventually all the pieces fall into place....until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason. ~Sarah Jessica Parker

It's been a great weekend spent with my family; having fun, laughing, and enjoying each other :)  It was great to see my parents last night too!  They were gone for a week, but it seemed like much longer.

As another work week quickly approaches, I needed to take some time to express some of my thoughts here.  I had a pretty good week last week.  It was busy at work and there were many changes in my room, but I managed to stay calm, flexible, and cheerful :) I was actually really proud of myself.  I think it must be the fact I am getting up and working out early.  It makes me feel good and helps me have a positive attitude starting off the day. 

And though the week went well, the weekend was fun, and I've felt really happy, I am still finding myself feeling a little bummed about a certain thing I have been praying a lot about. 

I have such a hard time trusting people.  I realize this is a flaw of mine and something I have dealt with since I can remember.  This flaw used to make me constantly worry what others were thinking about me, saying to others, or plotting behind my back and made me question whether or not I could fully trust them.  I have worked hard to let go of this and it has felt good not to have to worry about that aspect of it anymore.  However, I still seem to put trust in people, circumstances, etc. that I probably shouldn't and then struggle to trust the people, circumstances, etc. that I should. 

So, I have been praying.  That God will lead me in the right direction, help me make the right choice, let me see the lesson I should be learning, and allow me to trust in Him and the plan.

I am hopeful that it will work out, but I am also afraid, which is making me worried, anxious, and sick to my stomach.  I will continue to pray for peace and patience in the situation and for an answer to the problem, even if it's one I don't like.

I also have to remind myself that I am not the one in control.  And that everything will happen, just maybe not the way I had planned...

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Something???...

A few weeks ago I purchased a CD (I know...I'm old-school) on a whim.  I had never heard any of the songs and really didn't know much about the artist, but loved some of the song titles so took a chance.  The first few times I listened to it, I wasn't really sure what I thought. 

AND THEN, I came across the song I shared the link for in my last post "lessons learned".  It really seemed to 'fit' exactly where I was last week and how I wanted to view the events that had and are taking place in my life.

The more I listen, the more I like it.  I don't believe I found this CD by accident.  Since this journey began, I have been motivated by music, depending on the circumstances taking place at a particular time.  And for several weeks beforehand, I had searched for the right song to motivate me to believe in myself, to believe that everything happens for a reason, to believe that change will happen and that something good is coming my way.

The following is a link to a song that just happened to come on (from the same CD) yesterday morning during my drive to work.  Again, perfectly fitting for this time in my life.  'Something' good is about to happen.  The question is, WHAT???...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGtN04X07lA

Saturday, April 14, 2012

"Lessons Learned"

Thumbs down to the rain :(  My family keeps sending me pictures from the beach...looks so lovely there! 

Anyway, WOW!  What a week!  Chad and I started the workout program called INSANITY on Monday.  We've been getting up between 4:45 and 5 am every day to get it done before work.  It's been challenging and exhausting, but I'm already seeing some results!

Also, this week I interviewed for a new position at my school.  I knew it was a long shot, but I thought...what have I got to lose?  It can't hurt to try, right?  So, I prayed about it and ended up having an awesome interview!  I didn't get the job, but I know that God has a great plan for me and something bigger is going to come along when it's time.  When one door closes...another one opens.  Until then, I have to be patient, which is what He must be trying to teach me :)

So, after a LONG, HARD week, it was nice to get together with some friends last night.  We enjoyed dinner and drinks, had lots to talk about, and shared many laughs.  It was exactly what I needed!  Well that, and lots of sleep!

Today, Chad, Caylee, and I enjoyed some time together.  We did our workout (with Caylee, which was HILARIOUS!), grabbed some lunch, bought each of us a new pair of workout shoes (including Caylee, which is also HILARIOUS!), went to the pet store (yes, you heard me right), and ended our outing with some Orange Leaf...mmmmmmm!  Caylee was napping before we left the parking lot.

I am realizing I like to reflect on my week.  It gives me a chance to see how I've grown, who I've become, and what's important in the bigger picture.  I do have a purpose in this life, I don't have to care about what others think of me, and I should take steps out of my comfort zone every once in a while.  I am gaining new confidence in myself and discovering new things I like and enjoy doing daily.

I thank God for the "lessons learned" this week and hope He continues to lead me in the right direction...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IYpu91QwXU

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Happy Easter!

So sad to see spring break coming to an end :(  I have thoroughly enjoyed my time with Chad and Caylee.  Today was so much fun; waking up to see if the Easter bunny came, going on egg hunts, dancing at church with my sweet baby girl, and the message that we were able to get there, spending time with friends and family, and feeling so relaxed and overjoyed.

It's so true that daily we go through the motions of life, stick to what is expected of us, and try to do the right things...but almost always, something unexpected gets in our way on the journey.  It may be good, but we are too focused on what we believe to be right to realize the amazing thing that is happening in front of us.

It's in those moments we need to take a step back, put our trust in the Lord, and pray He will lead us in the right direction, help us make the right choices, and send us down the path to happiness.

He has taught me so much on this journey.  I thank Him for this beautiful day, for the happy times with my family, and for helping me tolerate the uncertainties that lie ahead...

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

I LOVE my house...

Today was a great day; started with coffee, played ALL day, and now some wine :)  I love days I get to spend at my house; no worries, enjoying the weather, and sharing precious time with my baby girl <3

I feel so happy, so refreshed, so relaxed.  Hoping the next few days don't go by too fast and that I'm able to enjoy each and every second feeling the way I do right now.

Today reminded me how much I LOVE being home and the happiness I feel when I'm here...:)

Sunday, April 1, 2012

“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” ~Epictetus

Ahhh, what a beautiful day :)  Feeling overjoyed that I DO NOT have to work tomorrow!!!  Instead, we are heading to Cincinnati and taking Caylee to the Newport Aquarium!  Definitely not the beach, but something fun to do as a family :)

I've been pretty proud of myself lately; made some new discoveries about me and things I enjoy, decided to let a few things (that I really didn't want to) go, and am preparing to introduce my new self to some people who haven't seen me in a while. 

Lots of good things are happening too; the prospects of a new job, the completion of the book, being able to enjoy time with family and good friends over spring break, and the quickly approaching summer break with many fun-filled days on the lake!

So many things to be thankful for and to smile about today :)  Hope you are smiling today too...

Sunday, March 25, 2012

CRAZINESS!

Had such a great day with my husband yesterday celebrating five years of marriage! 

We spent the day with each other and many friends.  I usually never take the camera with me, and if I do, rarely take pictures, but yesterday I made it a point to take pictures with the many friends we celebrated with at the different places we went to.  And surprisingly, it was really fun to look back at the day's story through pictures.  It reminds me that I am blessed with the love of a family and many friends, new and old, that love me for who I am.  I can be myself around them, have fun with them, share laughs with them, and at the end of the night, not worry about what they think of me, whether they like me or not, or if they are going to talk about me behind my back.

For the longest time, I felt the pressure to do/say the right thing...and never really knew what the "right thing" was.  I wanted to be accepted, understood, liked so badly that I completely let go of who I was and tried to become what I thought others were looking for. 

As Dr. Phil would say, "And how's that workin' for ya?"  My response: "It didn't". 

It all comes down to one word: CHANGE.
I had to CHANGE; my thinking, my codependent behaviors, how I viewed myself, and the way I reacted to change itself.

Looking at those pictures this morning made me happy.  It made me see that though time has changed so many things for me, I have learned so much, encountered many new people, opened up doors for other job options, and am beginning to know who I am and what my purpose is.

I am learning that friendships and experiences from the past, happen for a reason.  And that it's ok to let go of what I need to in order to grow.  People change, go in different directions, want different things.  True friends will be there no matter what, to accept who you are, where you are, and to support you on your journey.

Life can get crazy!  I feel blessed to have such special people to share the craziness with :)...

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Monday, March 19, 2012

Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives, is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see. -Corrie ten Boom

It's been a while since the last time I posted.  Not sure if it's writer's block, being busy, or the fact that the weather here has been so lovely. 

I can tell you something I've been seeing a lot of lately is the amount of change we go through in a lifetime.  It's something that is constant, and continuous, and out of our control.  It is intriguing, uncertain, and sometimes scary.

I see changes taking place daily in my life; friendships, marriages, families, jobs, etc. Some are postive, some not so much. And I know it affects me emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. 

I want to be more accepting of it, especially in areas that will help me grow as an individual, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. 

Instead of relying on someone else to help me understand it all, I'd like to forget the fear, embrace the good, and enjoy the moment in the midst of each change...

Saturday, March 10, 2012

SMILE :)

It is gorgeous outside!  I've spent the majority of the day out there enjoying the fresh air, the sunshine, and the very blue sky.  It's days like these that remind me I have to enjoy every second of life; to accept that I am who I am, to do what makes me happy, to be grateful for the world around me.  I feel blessed to have a loving family, many friends, and a new perspective on life.  All are reasons to SMILE :)

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Drum Roll Please....













Business logo courtesy of Devin Watson at http://www.design-watson.com/

 So excited to see it all come together!  So much to smile about...









Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Today was a fabulous day!

I was so proud of myself for accomplishing an important task at work.  One that took me completely out of my comfort zone, but in the end, actually paid off.  It was an exhilarating feeling and a great way to start off the evening!  Not only was the sun shining, but the weather was perfect for a long walk with Caylee.  We played and ate dinner outside.  Then, came in to get ready for bed.  I had a proud mommy moment as Caylee spent the majority of 30 minutes on the "big girl" potty with many successes! Can't believe how fast she is growing up.

As the night winds down, I just want to thank God for the person He has encouraged me to become, the many blessings He has given me,  and the places He continues to take me on this journey...

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Until I figure it all out...



What a beautiful day today!  The sun was shining, the breeze was warm.  It was a perfect day to spend outside, breathing in the fresh air, and feeling oh, so happy :) 

And then reality sets in.  Inside the walls of the school, there is a completely different feeling.  A lot of information.  Some not-so-great news.  Many of us are frustrated and overwhelmed with the amount of work there is to do, the little amount of time we have to do it in, and the demands that continue to be placed before us. 

We no longer feel compelled to get in our car and drive to work.  The passion has been taken from us as the state continues to implement rigorous testing, data analysis, and student comparisons.  The goal to teach children to become contributing citizens of our community, who have the skills needed to thrive socially and globally is gone!  Instead, teachers are encouraged to teach to the standards, to get the kids who are not passing the test, to pass the test, and to keep everyone happy.

So, we walk around with a smile on our face.  We suck it up when a problem arises.  Some people make excuses, others just take the blame.  Either way, it's not our job anymore to build bridges and relationships.  Instead, we are, as someone said to me recently, "in the customer service business...people pleasers".

I want so badly to take a stand.  I don't know where to start, who to contact, how to make any changes.  I am, after all, one person.  The thing that scares me the most is the future of our kids.  Not just my own children, but those out there who are desperately seeking someone to listen to them, to help them, but most importantly, to teach them.  How are they ever going to survive?  How is our world going to survive?

Kids need to be kids.  They need to learn about how to explore, take care of, and thrive in our world.  Something that cannot happen by passing a test!  Think about it, we teach our kids daily that it's ok to be different, that we all may learn at a different pace, and that we should respect each other and all of our differences.  Yet, if a child is not where they need to be, which is determined by a test, at the young age of now 3rd grade, the child will be unable to advance to the next grade level! Can you imagine what that might do to their self-esteem, their confidence level, their willingness to participate and learn?  It has the potential to create unnecessary anxiety and could cause them to avoid taking risks due to fear. 

These are real problems that need to be addressed.  And because I am working on being a problem solver rather than a complainer/worrier, I plan to find a way to positively contribute to the solving of this problem.  I realize there is no immediate fix.  However, recognizing there is a problem is the first step in solving one! 

I figure if I can write a book, find an illustrator, start a blog, own a business, take care of my family, and so on, I should be able to come up with some idea!  If nothing else, it felt good to take these thoughts out of my mind and put them on paper.


Until I figure it all out, I'm gonna...
                     

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

A reason to smile :)


A journey...that's what I've been on for quite some time.  Working my way down the path; tripping, stumbling, falling into a few dark holes here or there.  But the amazing part of it all has been finding my way out, picking myself up, and moving forward even when the path seemed so scary and uncertain.

"Eventually, everything falls into place.  You can laugh at the confusion that has been, start living in each moment, and understand that everything has happened for a reason.” ~Albert Schweitzer

Today, I am excited to share that I have become a small business owner!  In the next few months, I will be getting a website up and running, begin offering freelance and other writing services, and will take a chance at selling my first published book.

"This is the day my life really begins." I have dreamed about it for years; been hopeful about it for months; and made it a reality today.  What a great feeling it is and a definite reason to smile...

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Deep breath...and a sigh...



This past week was a busy one, full of sharing love with the family, spending time with friends, and working towards a new goal.

I have just started training for the mini-marathon that will take place at the beginning of May.  It is something I've always wanted to do, but have never had the courage to try before.  This year, I decided it was time.  Because of my heart condition, I will be walking rather than running, but I am excited to add it to the list of accomplishments and have really enjoyed pushing myself the last couple of days.

The quote above really spoke to me when I came across it.  Truth is, so many times I have felt a task, situation, or problem was impossible to solve.  I wasn't confident, was afraid of what others would think of me, thought I might make a mistake and feel embarrassed.  Because of this, I never put myself out there, didn't take risks, didn't believe that my dreams were possible to attain, and my goals possible to accomplish.  I didn't trust or believe in myself. 

I'm now realizing that anything is possible with the right attitude, persistence, faith, and hope.  I pray A LOT, I take deep breaths A LOT, I talk to myself A LOT.  But now, more than any other time in my life, I believe that "I'm possible"!  And because of that, things are happening for me.  I'm learning to have more patience, to live in the moment, and to believe that God has a great plan for my future...

Sunday, February 12, 2012

After speaking with my therapist on Wednesday, I decided I was sick of waking up every day and worrying about a problem, a situation, a person that was bothering me, or feeling guilty for no reason.  Instead of being a worrier, I decided I was going to be a problem solver.  The first step in solving a problem is having the courage to admit there is one.  And the next step is trying to figure out the best way to approach the situation or person, which isn't always easy.  If you know me, you know that confrontation is something I usually avoid and try to stay away from.  I am instead, the person who usually goes along with whatever it is, but then spends hours afterward complaining about it, trying to analyze the situation or person, and feeling really angry. 

I am proud to say that since last Wednesday I have problem solved more than once.  I am gradually beginning to "face my fears".  I am seeing myself changing and growing.  Less tears, more confidence.  Less worry, more happiness.  I'm finding it is better to get a problem out in the open, rather than to feel guilty about it, be scared of it, or talk about it to someone else. 

I have had one great weekend and am excited to share this week of love with my family and friends.  If I can continue solving problems rather than worrying about them, it's sure to be a happy week...

Sunday, February 5, 2012

"My next 30 years"...Tim McGraw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoR78-PomKc


What a perfect song for today, my 31st birthday.  A day to celebrate all the accomplishments I have made in the first 30 years of my life.  And a day to be hopeful for the exciting things to come in the next 30!  This song really says it all.  It makes me feel happy about where I am in life; I have the love of a family, many supportive friends, prospects for a published book, kids at school who are learning and growing daily, my own business.  I am becoming a strong, more independent, person who can look at myself differently and who worries less about what other people think or say about me.  I still struggle with my fears, have sad days, problems I can't seem to solve, storms I think will never pass, but I am beginning to understand how to work through these life issues, how to manage my emotions, and to react differently to people or situations. I am proud of myself and excited to celebrate that with others today!...

Saturday, January 28, 2012

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1 NIV).

I got to spend some time chatting with a friend last night.  It was really nice to have conversation, share thoughts, and other similarities.  I miss that.  It's been a while since I've really taken time for myself or had any alone time.  It made me feel good :)

On another note, after my nervous breakdown this week, my therapist gave me some strategies to help me re-work my thinking and some different ways to process information.  Together, we decided that I am "intolerant of uncertainty", which is just some big words that mean I don't tolerate the unknown well.  Now, you may say I already knew that, and I did.  But after this weeks events, I was able to really see how that intolerance plays a daily role in my life.  I basically had a nervous breakdown because of several hypothetical situations that had played out in my head.  They were not real, not happening, not something I needed to spend time worrying about every second of everyday, but that seemed so real to my complicated mind until written down on paper and talked through.  We also discussed that people have different things they "believe" about worry.  And after going through all different types of beliefs, came to the conclusion that I "believe" the things that I worry about, always come true.  That is the truth.

I am learning so much about myself lately; I have seen my highs and lows, the lack of trust I have in myself and others,  the way my mind works.  There are so many changes I want to see take place; be more independent, take a risk, get out of my comfort zone, be more outgoing and likable, give more, take less, be a better listener, a better friend. 

I realize not all of these things can happen overnight.  But it's nice to finally see the potential of what could be.  I like the way it feels to be pulling away from the dark and coming into the light.  And what it truly means to have FAITH...

Friday, January 27, 2012

Re-post: Where do I go from here?

Each day brings new light to every situation. This day has brought me joy and comfort already. I am excited about the journey ahead of me; the start of a new school year; the joy that my daughter brings me; the comfort of a new relationship I am building with my husband. As each day passes, I become more thankful for the life that God has given to me and hopeful for what is ahead of me. So, where do I go from here? I keep moving forward, taking one day at a time, enjoying each day for what it is...no fear, no worry, no guilt, no what-if's. Living happy in the moment, the place, the time, with the people I love. Nope, there are no regrets here...

To help REMIND me where I've been and how hard I've worked to get where I am. This is one of my first posts; I had finally let go of so many things and was looking the fear straight in the face. It makes me wonder how I got back to the place I'm at now and why I seem unable to pull myself out of it.  I am hopeful though.  Maybe that's what it's going to take, starting back at the beginning, giving myself daily reminders, and working on just living in the moment...

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

A prayer...

Dear God:
For the past several days I have been experiencing chest heaviness, back pain, and cramping around my aneurysm area.  I have been under a lot of stress, and am now FREAKING OUT that something is terribly wrong!  Please help me let go of the stress, take a deep breath, stop those "toxic thoughts" from making me worry, and allow me to have faith and trust in you.  Trust that you have a plan for me and that there is no need to worry or feel fear.  I'm not ready to leave here yet.  I want to be here to see my daughter grow up and have children, to experience this new life I have been given, to grow old with my husband, and much more.  I am scared that something bad is going to happen, I am scared that I will need to have surgery, I am scared of the surgery itself, the risks that accompany it, and the recovery after, I am scared of death.  I am thankful for all that you have given me.  I pray for your forgiveness for the things I have done wrong and bad decisions I've made.  The past several weeks have been hard and I need a break.  Please take away these fears, worry, guilt, thoughts, aches and pains.  Restore me to good health physically, mentally, and spiritually.  Help me find peace.  Amen.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” ~George Bernard Shaw

There's nothing like being kicked back down to the ground when you've just decided to stand up and start going again. 

After writing my last post, I awoke to a sick stomach, body aches, and exhaustion.  I've been trying to recover the last couple of days from what seems like an all-out beat down.  Maybe it was my body saying it had had enough, or maybe it was God telling me to take a break.  Either way, it's been rough and I am so ready to feel better; no aches, or chest pains, or feeling irritable and tired.

I'm ready to continue on my journey, to see what's ahead, and who I become.  As the quote states, "life is about creating yourself".  So, I'm off to do just that. And if it all works out, the direction of my path could be changed forever...

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Fear, go away!

Wow, so many things to be thankful for.  And even more things to be excited about! 

Lately, I've been struggling with so many things; Chad's accident, my duties at home, my tasks to accomplish at work, being a mom, gnawing chest/back pain, anxiety about the gnawing chest/back pain, you name it, and I can probably complain about it.

But tonight, I took a step back.  I have so many things to be thankful for; friends (who I haven't seen in while, but hope know I do still care about them), family (who have been so supportive over the last few weeks), co-workers (who, though may be pretending they don't mind, have covered for me while I was out), my illustrator (who is awesome and I'm sure has plenty of other things to be doing with her time), my husband (who is being so supportive and helpful with the book project), and a list of other things that could go on and on.

Truth is, I have no control over any of the things I have been struggling with.  The worry, anxiety, and stress caused by the above is not healthy and will not help me in the long run.  So, I sit here tonight, writing and praying to God.  That He will give me strength to overcome the fear, courage to trust myself and others, and hope that my dreams may become reality.  Whatever His path is for me, I need not fear it, but trust that He knows the way and will lead me in the right direction...

Monday, January 16, 2012

My 3 R's: Refresh, Relax, Reflect

It's been a while since I've just sat down to write.  Today I slept in, had 2 cups of coffee, and have just been hangin' with the fam.  It has been relaxing and a much needed break.

For the past several weeks, I have been working on ridding myself of "toxic thoughts", a term used in a book my therapist gave me, written by Dr. Caroline Leaf.  She talks about how these seemingly harmless "thoughts" can wreak havoc on your body physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  The more I read, the more I become aware of my thoughts and how they play out in my daily life.  Instead of taking time to enjoy my shower, my ride into work, my prep time, anytime really, I'm constantly thinking; playing out scenarios in my head of things that happened, how they could've been handled differently, what I should've done or said.  I also spend a lot of time thinking about things that haven't happened; playing out what-if scenarious, wondering how I should handle myself if they do, and worrying what others will say about how I react.
It would be wonderful to feel free of those thoughts, so I plan to continue reading and working on this. 

Thank you God for this day: to refresh my mind, relax my body, and reflect on my life...

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

New year; New Hopes; New Attitude

This year, I would like to focus on everything "new and good" happening in my life.  I put it in quotes because as I type, I am reminded of a college class that began each meeting in a circle, sharing things about our life that were "new and good".  I was in such a different place then.  My hopes were different, my dreams were simple, life was easy.  And somewhere along the way, it just got so complicated. 

So, this year, I would like to focus on everything "new and good" happening in my life now.  I plan to keep my hopes high, my dreams big, my life happy. 

Tonight, I received a new pendant for my pandora bracelet from Chad.  It is a four-leaf clover.  According to legend, each leaf represents something: the first is for faith, the second is for hope, the third is for love, and the fourth is for luck.  I am blessed to have all with me as I continue on my journey...