I got to spend some time chatting with a friend last night. It was really nice to have conversation, share thoughts, and other similarities. I miss that. It's been a while since I've really taken time for myself or had any alone time. It made me feel good :)
On another note, after my nervous breakdown this week, my therapist gave me some strategies to help me re-work my thinking and some different ways to process information. Together, we decided that I am "intolerant of uncertainty", which is just some big words that mean I don't tolerate the unknown well. Now, you may say I already knew that, and I did. But after this weeks events, I was able to really see how that intolerance plays a daily role in my life. I basically had a nervous breakdown because of several hypothetical situations that had played out in my head. They were not real, not happening, not something I needed to spend time worrying about every second of everyday, but that seemed so real to my complicated mind until written down on paper and talked through. We also discussed that people have different things they "believe" about worry. And after going through all different types of beliefs, came to the conclusion that I "believe" the things that I worry about, always come true. That is the truth.
I am learning so much about myself lately; I have seen my highs and lows, the lack of trust I have in myself and others, the way my mind works. There are so many changes I want to see take place; be more independent, take a risk, get out of my comfort zone, be more outgoing and likable, give more, take less, be a better listener, a better friend.
I realize not all of these things can happen overnight. But it's nice to finally see the potential of what could be. I like the way it feels to be pulling away from the dark and coming into the light. And what it truly means to have FAITH...
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