"Love is the REMEDY" ~Zac Brown Band

A few years ago (well, probably more than a few...but who's counting?!) my hubby and I had the opportunity to see Zac Brown Band for the first time at the Pepsi Coliseum.  It was probably my favorite concert to date (coming in close 2nd--Mumford).  The venue was perfect...small, intimate, not overly crowded. And what I loved most about his music and style was that it spoke to me. It was like he was telling my story. That night, I was filled with joy and happiness...hope and excitement. And up until now, my journey has been just that: filled with joy and happiness, hope and excitement!

But, I've been a bit down lately.  And I've actually been quite mad at myself for it, feeling guilty and worried that I'm not doing enough...that I'm not contributing enough, following through enough, being present enough.

It's true that music has played (pun intended) a huge part of me finding myself on this journey.  In fact, music has gotten me through most of the trip.  I find certain genres or songs appeal to me as I take on new challenges or face changes.  Some days, I'm a laid back Mandolin Orange type of girl. Other days, I find myself jammin' to top pop or old school and reliving the glory days.  When I 'm in my car with the windows rolled down, hair blowin' in the wind (mental picture is way better than the actual), I like inspirational songs...the ones that motivate  me to get off my bum and get 'er done!  I enjoy music.  I enjoy the emotion it allows me to feel, without judgement, as I sit quietly, hum along, or belt it out.

So.  Today I'm sharing a new favorite of mine.  If you haven't  heard their latest album, I highly recommend it.  I love that it is called 'Jekyll and Hyde' as the songs vary on so many levels, telling lots of different life stories.  A reminder of all I have been through (good, bad, and ugly) to get where I am today.  No more backstepping.

Praying the next part of this journey will make me "stronger and wiser".  And hoping to share a new project soon that will spread "love (to) one another". He's got this!  Amen!!!

Video with lyrics <3

Let your faith be bigger than your fear. ~unknown

For the past several days I've not been myself.  I'm experiencing a wide range of emotions, sleepless nights, and worrying about lots of things, most of which I have no control over.

Truth be told...I am absolutely and utterly freaked out about this next part of the journey.  I keep talking to myself (yes, I might be a bit crazy), saying things like...don't worry, you've got this; hand it over to the Lord, He is in control; breathe; take it all in; fear-less; enjoy this moment.  Problem is, I'm trying REALLY hard to believe it, to feel it, to live it...and I'm having trouble.  My mind is totally all over the place and I can't seem to get it back in check.

http://sincerelysarad.com

Cue in my Jesus Calling book.  I try to spend at least ten minutes per day alone, taking in the quiet and beauty of the morning, and most recently praying to feel a peace in His presence. Today, one of the verses was Galatians 5:22-23.  And the devotional said, "Do not worry about what other people think of you.  The work I am doing in you is hidden at first.  But eventually blossoms will burst forth, and abundant fruit will be born. Stay on the path of Life with Me. Trust Me wholeheartedly, letting My Spirit fill you with Joy and Peace". ~Sarah Young

Joy and Peace.  All that I have been praying for.  And I look at this list--the Fruit of the Spirit-- and it makes me long for all of them.  I want to be and feel; love, and joy, and peace, and patience, and kindness, and goodness, and faithfulness, and gentleness, and self-control.  I want to not worry about this next leg of the journey because I know He has this and I will survive.  I want to believe in His plan for me and the purpose He has for this in my life.

I'm still trying to get there.  I've had a few good cries, some time to be alone with my thoughts, taken lots of deep breaths, spent nights talking with family and friends about options.  But the truth is...this is happening, sooner than I would like. And I want to be prepared.  I want to be ready.  I want my family and friends to be ready.

The cardiac MRI has been scheduled for September 9th.  Please pray that I can make it through the duration without having a panic attack.  My cardiologist will be having a Nuclear Medicine Specialist look for certain genetic markers and once we have the results, I will begin meeting with surgeons. My dad had the exact same surgery done at Cleveland Clinic about ten years ago.  So we plan to meet with his surgeon along with a few others located here in Indy to look over my records and determine the next steps.

For now, I'm putting this quote on repeat: let your FAITH be bigger than your fear; let your faith be BIGGER than your fear; let your FAITH be BIGGER than your fear...

~Nicole

So say Geronimo! ~Sheppard

*Geronimo-an exclamation used when jumping from a great height or moving at high speed.

I've spent a lot of time alone with my thoughts over the last few days.  I needed some time to process life as it is...and life as it will be in the coming months.  For those of you who don't know, I had my six month ECHO and cardiologist appointment on Friday. We found out that the aneurysm has grown .1 cm and we are pushing 5.0 cm (the time when it is suggested to do surgery).  I will be getting an MRI in February and then we will begin the process of searching for the best surgeon.  My cardiologist thinks I may be a good candidate for the David procedure---also known as an aortic root repair with valve sparing.  Surgery will require this procedure along with the repair of the aneurysm.

So...obviously the thoughts in my head are all over the place!  We have some time to get things situated, but the fact of the matter is...it's about that time.  And really, I'm just trying to prepare myself for all that could be.  It's given me a bit of a reality check and has made me think about some things I would usually prefer not to.

I heard this Sheppard song today and though all of the lyrics don't refer to my specific situation,  the phrase---So say Geronimo!---spoke to me.

     
Needing to talk myself into this surgery; tell myself I can do this; and believe I will be a survivor.  

So I'm diving in and saying Geronimo!  If you know a surgeon here in Indy or have had experience with surgeons at Cleveland Clinic, I would love to hear your story or anything you can tell me about your journey.  Please share in the comments below or email me: nicole@flowersonfootprints.com

I'll be revisiting my Fear-less list over the next few weeks as I breathe in this beautiful world and the precious people who are sharing life with me. I have a feeling I'll be saying Geronimo A LOT!

Much love to you all~
Nicole