Sometimes it's hard to share the tough stuff...

Spent some time reflecting on the past year today; starting this blog, beginning a new journey, learning to listen to myself and my needs, publishing a book, starting a new job...so many changes have taken place in my life in that year, changes that have made me a better person overall.

I've learned to listen more, talk less; to share what I love, not focus on things I don't; to face the fear instead of avoiding it; to ask questions when I'm uncertain rather than worrying about what I don't know; to take chances; to be patient; to show others compassion and love; to express myself in new and fun ways.  I am a completely different person than I was a year ago, and even more so than I was ten years ago.  And I'm really happy about that :)

But one area that still needs some work is in the way I think others view me.  I know I shouldn't be worried about what other people think or say about me...but the truth is, I do.  I often find myself asking these questions:  Will others be mad at me?  Did I offend them or hurt their feelings?  Are they talking about me?  If so, why?  What did I do?  And the truth is, it's hard to be yourself openly when there are people out there who look for ways to bring you down, ways to hurt you, or make you feel bad about yourself.  Those situations are awkward and uncomfortable and I end up wondering why I even put myself in that position in the first place.

It's true we all make mistakes.  And I'm working on forgiving myself for the ones I have made.  But it's also true we can only change ourselves.  Reflecting today gave me the opportunity to realize I have, and in doing so have a lot to be proud of and thankful for.  I am still learning on this journey and will continue to grow and change as I move along.  That's okay and it makes me feel good to say it here.

To those of you who have stood by me through thick and thin, thank you.  I'm not a perfect person, nor will I ever be.  But I'm doing everything I can to be the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend I can be.  And that has to be good enough, not for everyone else, but for me...

Can't believe it's over :(

Oh summer break...how I will miss you!

I spent the day packing as many things as I could in; lunch with the fam, trip to the store, jammin' to my favorite songs in the car with all the windows down, Frosty Boy, and the park.  I am going to miss spending my days with Caylee and that stress-free feeling I have at the end of a summer day.  I'm hopeful that I will enjoy this new place and space so much that the joy I used to feel at the end of a day at work will return this year.


I do, however, find myself sitting here tonight trying to overcome those first day jitters.  A little nervous about what's to come, yet excited about the new adventure ahead of me.  We all know how I like to "predict" what's going to happen, get myself all worked up about it, worry about it, etc...only to find out when it actually happens it's not nearly as bad as I had made it out to be in my head.  It's my life story!

So, if you wouldn't mind, say a prayer for me: that I will be able to feel at peace tonight and get some sleep; that tomorrow I will go in there with confidence, I will be my new self, and I will enjoy getting to know others; that I won't get all worked up over things I can't control, mistakes I may make, or what others are thinking/saying about me.  That God will be with me, will have the right words for me, and will help me share my true self with others. I will be doing the same...

Best wishes for a great year to all my fellow teachers!

I'm Smiling :)

Spent the day at the pool soaking up the rays with my family for the last time before school starts. I LOVE spending time with Caylee and Chad so much!

Yesterday was full of meetings, learning about my new school, and all of my responsibilities. I have to admit, I left there a little freaked out! The dynamic of every school is just so different. I think I'm gonna like this new place and space, but there are a lot of new expectations to live up to and I'm a little nervous I won't be able to live up to them. I do know that I feel part of a team that views me as a BELIEVER, someone who works hard to ensure every child is getting the best education possible, is supportive of change, and accepting of a challenge.

I am going to miss spending the days with my girl, but have great memories from the special times we've shared together this summer and though I'm sad to see it end, I'm excited about the next few weeks and what lies in store for me.

So thankful for my true supporters; family and friends who have cheered me on, lifted me up, and reminded me how to share love and enjoy life...

Strength doesn't come from what you CAN do, it comes from OVERCOMING the things you ONCE thought you couldn't. ~Rikki Rogers

Whew!  It has been a CrAzY and hectic week!  So glad all the tough stuff is over and  the change I have long been praying for has finally come!  Not sure I can share all the details yet, so I'll just say it's a happy time for new beginnings and lots of unknowns, but so much to feel proud of and excited about.

Another exciting thing happening is with the book. We are a day away from going to press!  Once the go ahead is given we will have about 3 weeks before the books actually arrive!  We are so excited, yet nervous all at the same time.  I have also been working with a web designer and purchased a URL.  We are hoping to go live with the launch of the book!

So...I've been very busy this summer.  We have spent a lot of time at the pool and the lake, hanging with family and friends.  It's been so relaxing and I have enjoyed every single second of it!

This morning I finally had some time to talk about all of the above, to feel proud of all that I've accomplished, and to express my excitement about this week's events.  At the end of my session a BIG discovery was made.  I'm still trying to process it all myself and was hoping to write about it here tonight.  However, I think it may be something that needs to be more thought out before I can clearly express it to others.  The main idea is about giving the feeling of something rather than having the need to show it.  I know that doesn't make a lot of sense right now, but I believe it will as I continue to process and understand my thoughts.  I'll talk more about this another night.

Hope everyone is enjoying these last few weeks of summer break!  I'm heading to the lake tomorrow to enjoy the beautiful day on the water...




 

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

It truly is amazing to see how much joy you can get out of life by giving yourself the freedom to simply enjoy it! It's the little things that make each day worth remembering and I've had many days worth remembering this summer!  I love that I feel free to do what I want, when I want without the guilt and worry that used to overcome me.  It feels good to have hopes and dreams and even better to get out there and try to make them happen!  I'm not scared anymore.  Instead, I feel excited about the unknown journey that's ahead of me (not sure that's ever happened).  I'm ready for a change and I'm putting myself out there to find it.  Prayers that I choose the right path would be much appreciated...

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."~Plato

Today, I spent some time talking through the events that have played out in my life over the past year. It seems like this journey started so long ago, but today I was reminded the path became more clear for me around this same time last year. I began opening myself up to opportunities, letting some of the things that had controlled my thoughts and actions go, and really started on this journey to uncover my true self. It's amazing to me that each time I sit and talk, new things somehow get revealed to me. And even after working so hard to become a better overall person, I still find things I'd like to work on.

One thing that hit me really hard today was the way I tend to view myself. I worry so much about what others think of me; my thoughts, my opinions, my views on life, and family, and love. I spend the majority of my time trying to be the person others expect me to be rather than being myself. I've been put in situations where I feel left out, my thoughts/feelings unacceptable, and so I've tried to change who I am. The truth that I came across today...I don't have to do that. I am a loving, kind, and caring person. I would prefer to say something to someone to make them feel better, to lift their spirits, and to let them know they are loved rather than saying things that could be taken as hurtful or condescending. That is not wrong, but just different from the way other people may do things. And it's taken me a long time to come to terms with that.

Here's what I do know: Everyone is on their own journey, with their own twists and turns, problems and fears, ups and downs. That journey defines them, their actions, their reactions. What I've learned is: their journey doesn't have to define who I am, where I'm going, or the decisions I make, big or small.

There are a lot of good things that happen in life, great memories to cherish forever, but nothing ever stays the same. Change is constant and so, we must be acceptable of it, flexible in the midst of it, and able to let go of it when the time comes.

I'm excited to reveal my true self to others; to show my love for them the way I know how, to share the joy I have for this life, and to spread the happiness that I've come to know on this journey...

Oh, summer break...I LOVE YOU!

I am absolutely LOVING this summer; enjoying the beautiful weather, spending time with my family, boating, relaxing, hanging by the pool (well, except for the HORRIBLE sunburn I got today)!

I have so many things to be excited about too!  Caylee is turning 3 on Saturday.  I can't believe it's been 3 years since I held her in my arms for the first time.  Time really does fly, but I love watching her grow each day and can't wait to celebrate with her on Saturday!

We are also making some big strides on the bookfront!  My illustrator has had a vision and it's all finally coming together.  I am anxious for the final product to get here!!!  On the same line, I bought a domain name tonight for my business.  A little step in the big picture, I know, but I have some awesome people working on some things for me and I am hopeful there will be a website up and running around the time of the book launch!

I never in a million years could have imagined I would be where I am right now.  Thank you God for this wonderful break that has given me back hope, brought me much joy, and shown me the peace I was so longing for...