Face it...and then you'll make it!

To start off, I'm going to take you back a bit, almost six years to be exact.  This is when I found out that I had an aortic aneurysm and would at some point in my life need open heart surgery...or according to my first labor and delivery nurse that thing she "hoped didn't burst on my watch".

Okay, okay, I know most of you have already heard this story several times, so I'll make it short and sweet.  I have an aneurysm on my aorta, I have a leaky valve, and I will need open heart surgery to fix both.  When? Who knows!  I get echocardiograms, CT scans, etc. twice a year and meet with a doctor to check the size and status.  Once I hit the "risk of surgery is less than the risk of leaving it be" mark, they'll suggest it.  Until then, I wait...

Imagine that.  Waiting for someone to tell you they will need to put you under, stop your heart, crack your chest open, and fix it...all the while praying the thing doesn't rupture and you bleed out while taking your daughter to the mall or the park or whatever!

Stress much?  Yep.

Truth be told, up until recently I had a pretty good handle on it.  I spent my days laughing with and loving on my family, enjoying my free time, and creating pieces to share with others.  It seemed the sun was shining brightly on my life, on my path, and the days ahead seemed bright as well.

And then, it happened.  The storm came.  It blew through heavy and rough...dark clouds, cold rain, gusty winds.  Each time I thought it was letting up, it came back to hit me even harder, even darker, and so much scarier.

Then all at once, the rain stopped...the skies cleared...the sun returned.  And there I stood.  Unsure of what to do, where to go.  My path was gone in an instant and fear overtook me.  I began to feel overly emotional, worried, afraid, stressed out, overwhelmed...all the negatives I had worked so hard to eliminate from my life.  They were back and working in full force.

That is until now.  I've reached the point where I'm tired of giving in, being the victim to these negatives that have creeped back into my life.  And I'm doing something about it...writing here for one!  The storm made me lose hope...but I have found it once again and I'm ready to move forward.

I'm not sure I know where I'm going...and that's okay.  I do know that in order for any of it to work, I have to take care of myself first: mind, body, and spirit.  So that's what I'm doing...reflecting, adding back healthy eating and exercise, and doing a little soul searching. Think I'm finally ready for a new adventure!