Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Until I figure it all out...



What a beautiful day today!  The sun was shining, the breeze was warm.  It was a perfect day to spend outside, breathing in the fresh air, and feeling oh, so happy :) 

And then reality sets in.  Inside the walls of the school, there is a completely different feeling.  A lot of information.  Some not-so-great news.  Many of us are frustrated and overwhelmed with the amount of work there is to do, the little amount of time we have to do it in, and the demands that continue to be placed before us. 

We no longer feel compelled to get in our car and drive to work.  The passion has been taken from us as the state continues to implement rigorous testing, data analysis, and student comparisons.  The goal to teach children to become contributing citizens of our community, who have the skills needed to thrive socially and globally is gone!  Instead, teachers are encouraged to teach to the standards, to get the kids who are not passing the test, to pass the test, and to keep everyone happy.

So, we walk around with a smile on our face.  We suck it up when a problem arises.  Some people make excuses, others just take the blame.  Either way, it's not our job anymore to build bridges and relationships.  Instead, we are, as someone said to me recently, "in the customer service business...people pleasers".

I want so badly to take a stand.  I don't know where to start, who to contact, how to make any changes.  I am, after all, one person.  The thing that scares me the most is the future of our kids.  Not just my own children, but those out there who are desperately seeking someone to listen to them, to help them, but most importantly, to teach them.  How are they ever going to survive?  How is our world going to survive?

Kids need to be kids.  They need to learn about how to explore, take care of, and thrive in our world.  Something that cannot happen by passing a test!  Think about it, we teach our kids daily that it's ok to be different, that we all may learn at a different pace, and that we should respect each other and all of our differences.  Yet, if a child is not where they need to be, which is determined by a test, at the young age of now 3rd grade, the child will be unable to advance to the next grade level! Can you imagine what that might do to their self-esteem, their confidence level, their willingness to participate and learn?  It has the potential to create unnecessary anxiety and could cause them to avoid taking risks due to fear. 

These are real problems that need to be addressed.  And because I am working on being a problem solver rather than a complainer/worrier, I plan to find a way to positively contribute to the solving of this problem.  I realize there is no immediate fix.  However, recognizing there is a problem is the first step in solving one! 

I figure if I can write a book, find an illustrator, start a blog, own a business, take care of my family, and so on, I should be able to come up with some idea!  If nothing else, it felt good to take these thoughts out of my mind and put them on paper.


Until I figure it all out, I'm gonna...
                     

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

A reason to smile :)


A journey...that's what I've been on for quite some time.  Working my way down the path; tripping, stumbling, falling into a few dark holes here or there.  But the amazing part of it all has been finding my way out, picking myself up, and moving forward even when the path seemed so scary and uncertain.

"Eventually, everything falls into place.  You can laugh at the confusion that has been, start living in each moment, and understand that everything has happened for a reason.” ~Albert Schweitzer

Today, I am excited to share that I have become a small business owner!  In the next few months, I will be getting a website up and running, begin offering freelance and other writing services, and will take a chance at selling my first published book.

"This is the day my life really begins." I have dreamed about it for years; been hopeful about it for months; and made it a reality today.  What a great feeling it is and a definite reason to smile...

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Deep breath...and a sigh...



This past week was a busy one, full of sharing love with the family, spending time with friends, and working towards a new goal.

I have just started training for the mini-marathon that will take place at the beginning of May.  It is something I've always wanted to do, but have never had the courage to try before.  This year, I decided it was time.  Because of my heart condition, I will be walking rather than running, but I am excited to add it to the list of accomplishments and have really enjoyed pushing myself the last couple of days.

The quote above really spoke to me when I came across it.  Truth is, so many times I have felt a task, situation, or problem was impossible to solve.  I wasn't confident, was afraid of what others would think of me, thought I might make a mistake and feel embarrassed.  Because of this, I never put myself out there, didn't take risks, didn't believe that my dreams were possible to attain, and my goals possible to accomplish.  I didn't trust or believe in myself. 

I'm now realizing that anything is possible with the right attitude, persistence, faith, and hope.  I pray A LOT, I take deep breaths A LOT, I talk to myself A LOT.  But now, more than any other time in my life, I believe that "I'm possible"!  And because of that, things are happening for me.  I'm learning to have more patience, to live in the moment, and to believe that God has a great plan for my future...

Sunday, February 12, 2012

After speaking with my therapist on Wednesday, I decided I was sick of waking up every day and worrying about a problem, a situation, a person that was bothering me, or feeling guilty for no reason.  Instead of being a worrier, I decided I was going to be a problem solver.  The first step in solving a problem is having the courage to admit there is one.  And the next step is trying to figure out the best way to approach the situation or person, which isn't always easy.  If you know me, you know that confrontation is something I usually avoid and try to stay away from.  I am instead, the person who usually goes along with whatever it is, but then spends hours afterward complaining about it, trying to analyze the situation or person, and feeling really angry. 

I am proud to say that since last Wednesday I have problem solved more than once.  I am gradually beginning to "face my fears".  I am seeing myself changing and growing.  Less tears, more confidence.  Less worry, more happiness.  I'm finding it is better to get a problem out in the open, rather than to feel guilty about it, be scared of it, or talk about it to someone else. 

I have had one great weekend and am excited to share this week of love with my family and friends.  If I can continue solving problems rather than worrying about them, it's sure to be a happy week...

Sunday, February 5, 2012

"My next 30 years"...Tim McGraw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoR78-PomKc


What a perfect song for today, my 31st birthday.  A day to celebrate all the accomplishments I have made in the first 30 years of my life.  And a day to be hopeful for the exciting things to come in the next 30!  This song really says it all.  It makes me feel happy about where I am in life; I have the love of a family, many supportive friends, prospects for a published book, kids at school who are learning and growing daily, my own business.  I am becoming a strong, more independent, person who can look at myself differently and who worries less about what other people think or say about me.  I still struggle with my fears, have sad days, problems I can't seem to solve, storms I think will never pass, but I am beginning to understand how to work through these life issues, how to manage my emotions, and to react differently to people or situations. I am proud of myself and excited to celebrate that with others today!...